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I got home a day earlier, and today I managed to meet up with 2 of the longest lasting, most treasured friends I have.
More importantly, I’ve also met up with the 2 aunts who brought me up till I was 7, one of whom lives in Japan now and I usually see only during Hari Raya.
I shall not continue this post because this whole leaving-everything-behind deal is starting to make me feel really sad.
To internalise:-
and my personal favourite,
Steve Aoki at Zouk, call me if you’re interested. We’ll have a blast!
I am incredibly misunderstood by many, I realise. Especially those I have only just met. What makes that ok for me is probably the fact that the ones who loved me then love me even more now, and would probably love me still years down the road.
To the select few who have offended me by falling out of love with me in the course of the friendship, I daresay you lose out. I am one to better myself and if you would have just stayed a little longer to see it through, you would have gained more than what you stood to lose.
So tell me, what is the damn point of me going down this very unnecessarily terrifying new route, that might or might not be of worth to me in the long run, if my new encounters are simply manifestations of what I’ve stuck through before, minus a dick?
I came this far because I thought a change was in order. I took a huge step for myself in a very risky direction just as so I can put a definite stop to tiring old ways. But you, you might just be proof that the devil indeed comes in every shape, size, and apparently, gender too.
And me, I’m just living proof that no matter which angle you bend the damn arrow, players will still be just players, and girls who are attracted to players (and only players) will still be just that.
You may have just ruined my last remaining bit of faith in humankind. This is dreadful, I swear. Do you see the gravity of this?!
I can’t stop this thing short, that’ll be lame. But I won’t play either, cause then that’ll defeat the purpose of you in the first place. So this is what I am going to do. I am going to start being honest. So brutally honest. No more pretense, no more hiding. Everything’s going to come out, and then I’m going to demand for an answer, and if it’s a no, I am moving on. I may find you hot, true, but please remember, I still hold both cards in my hands. I can switch anytime I like and you’d be forgotten faster than you can say gay.
I have also adopted a no return policy of late, to ensure space for newer, fresher stock; and I dare say I have been keeping at that rather well.
And you… You better start thinking hard about what you really mean to say cause the next wish that you make? Well you might just get it, beautiful.
Sidenote, Zouk was terrific. So was Marco V. It’s now 7.41am. Goodnight world.
(I have editted this entry at least thrice now, adding more April babies to this list as I recall them. It’s a wonder how I seem to have so many Aries and Taurus friends.)
Birthday shout-outs to (in random order):
Arshad- I still think you are disgustingly gay in all that make up and your clothes, and I was simply mocking you everytime I call you superstar, but it’s never seemed to bother you. I insult almost everything that you do, that you are, the girls that you sleep with and your tastes; But you still tell me stories about your life anyways. You’re bloody thick skinned and I appreciate you most for that. For old times sakes; Happy birthday, pretty babe.
Dino Big Daddy Cool (BDC)- Thank you for always being the level headed one amongst us, and thank you for leading by example. Thank you for educating us of acceptance and maturity, and most significantly, forgiveness.
An bro!- The one and only Farhan Arab in my life. You’re irreplaceable. May 24 bring you what you desire most right now. & beyond!
Ash & Wawan!- The house party was whacked! But what rocks more, is having you two crazy tarts as friends. Me love you long time.
Khalid Badib- This is still the cutest pic that I have of you. You haven’t changed much since, save the cast on your arm and a jungle worth of hair on your face.
Danial Feroze Joseph Hakim- Stop calling me kotek, and tonight I hope you bring home enough catch for nenek to cook asam pedas.
Shaik baby!- Some bonds are made to last, yeah? 8 years and counting. I miss you heaps, my love. BUT! I think I miss your mum and her soup tulang more. See you this weekend, can’t wait!
Mya, my bitch- The one and only burmese diva who’s not like any other divas I’ve ever met my entire life. You’ve been with me since we were short, skinny and innocent. All that doesn’t even sound remotely possible now, but yes, it’s true… Once. 13 years ago we were once kental; But we loved it. Now we’re just superficial… And boy do we love it!
Mya dearest, we are the 2 left standing, seeing how Bella, Nat and Azzy have left us to join the Attached&Committed circle. I guess it’s safe to say they’re in it for the long run this time. How romantically sweet, no? :) We have no clue when our turns will be but I doubt we’re looking forward to it anyways, betol? Betol. Who would have thought… Us 2 were the most kental amongst the 5, how did we end up being the last 2 left frolicking around. Goes to show, hero mati last.
May this year hold many many more blessings and miracles for you. Yes, miracles more astounding than your 10kg weight gain. Hallelujah!
You’re finally fat and healthy now. No more the constantly stoned junkie, aye?
& I didn’t manage to catch it on print screen, but I saw you smile for the first time today!
If you’re like me, and you love spending your days dancing alone in your room in front of the mirror, or with your crazy girlfriends while someone records it on her phone, dressed in less than an oversized jersey and your favourite pink panties, then you should download Britney’s new album.
It is so outrageously flirty, I don’t think it even counts as tacky anymore. I love it!
There are more singles coming up, but you should probably listen to these first:
Radar
Freakshow
Hot as ice
Ooh ooh baby
Heaven on Earth
Perfect lover
Toy soldier
Get naked
Why should I be sad?
Go dance sexy, dance crazy, dance like nobody’s watching. Dance like everything depends on it.
Dance, dance, dance. Cause sometimes everything really does depend on it.
Amazing songs are those that make absolutely no literal sense to you even if you listen to it a thousand times over. By the 1001th time, you would have butchered the lyrics so many more ways that you’d be confused as hell and you start to doubt even the spelling of 3-letter long words.
And then one fine day, something happens and it’s either your roof or your floor. Your roof comes down on you, along with the rest of the sky, or your floor crumbles and you’re falling and falling and falling all the way down to nowhere exactly.
Then a good friend plays that same insensible song from your Ipod and he blasts in on your car stereo while you’re driving. First you feel annoyed cause you already have to deal with your suffocatingly tight chest, now you have to deal with a crazy assed friend who yells meaningless lyrics at the top of his lungs too.
2 lines into the song and you catch his eye in the rear view mirror while you stop at the light, and you realise he has fire in his eyes. You realise he isn’t playing the song randomly. You have 1491 songs in your Ipod and this particular song was chosen for you.
So you sing along anyway.
2 verse and a chorus later you finally breathe again after almost 48 hours of oxygen deprivation.
An amazing song lets you cry and breathe at the same time, when you were so close to losing all hope of ever finding sanctuary.
An amazing song is one that you won’t ever understand until you experience that same level of despair, until you reach the same plane of emotional state as the one the song writer was on when he penned down the lyrics.
Do not bother googling for meaning of classics; Great writers will never tell you what their words are about. It’s not that they don’t want to explain to you their stories, they just can’t. If they could, if they were even slightly capable of being so direct about their feelings, they would have written cheap hip hop club hits instead.
You know hip hop, they take everything as it is, at face value. When sex is just pumping and music’s just to set the beat for that pump. It makes everything ugly.
Oasis balances out the ugly.
That amazing song didn’t help me solve much, but it jumpstarted my road to recovery, when before, I didn’t think it was even possible.
“Players only love you when they’re playing.”
You wanna gamble, you gotta be prepared to lose. Cause even the luckiest don’t walk into the casino 30 times in 30 days with 30 straight wins.
I have finally started logging into my facebook account of late, mainly because my first true love Friendster is no longer around.
Upon my first log in since a couple of months ago last week, I was shocked to see “598 other requests” and under 60 new friend requests, some of whom I do not know. Since then, I’ve been working long and hard at eradicating this mess, at the expense of my assignments ok. Almost a week since then and today, my finger stand bruised and almost broken from banging on the mouse clicker too much… But facebook remains victorious after I realised today that I haven’t made much of a progress. It is still in the 500s range.
One reason I deleted Friendster was the long chain of friend requests from mats and anjedis that didn’t seem to stop piling up no matter how many times I reject them. There were contacts whom I deleted cause I didn’t know who they were; Only to have them make another friend request a few days after… Afterwhich I reject or ignore… And they re-send and re-send the damn request until my e-mail inbox gets choked up with e-mail reminders from the server.
Now I feel like deleting Facebook too.
It doesn’t help that the server is so incredibly slow that it hangs my computer everytime I try to cheat and click on multiple buttons in each page load to quicken the request confirmation process.
